The Brakebein Story in English

01.Legendarisk ØL | 02.Brakebein | 03.Utmarschen | 04.PiratKriegen
05.Den Åpne Sjø | 06.Das MeerUngeheuer | 07.Essenfest | 08.Inni den Grotte...
09.Illantergesteignungh | 10.PresteFeste | 11.Yameeka | 12.Skogsgjensyn
13.Egen Mjød, Heidunder Mjød!

Legendarisk ØL
"The Legendary Beer©"

An ancient legend about the Legendary Beer© is sung far, far within the forest where no light can enter. This is where the Trolls sit around hammering down their saluted beer. In a corner, always with them, the Hellhound GARM lies. But he is not asleep. Oh, no. That's for sure. If you were to get within arms length, your arm would surely become a lot shorter, unless you are a Troll, off course. In fact GARM snaps at anything that moves, though The Trolls seems to have earned his respect.

Anyways, as I was saying, the caves deep into the forest are always hosts for great Trollish parties. One can actually come and drink whenever one would like to. To be able to do so, the Trolls would need to have an incredible number of barrels with different kinds of funny brew, and so the certainly did, according to the legend. So I guess you can imagine that the Trolls had their horns filled to the top again, again, and again as they cheered and enjoyed their ancient brew to its full. And so they sang about the wisdom they gained and acted like the entire forest would fall to the ground (although it never did) until their hair caught fire when they strolled off into parts of the forest where the sun does comes slightly too much through in morning hours.

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Brakebein

Another story goes about a Troll who once heard about the ancient legend about the Legendary Beer©. Once a strong elder Troll named Brakebein got out of bed on the wrong foot, had a cup of coffee, and started thinking. This was a rather unusual activity for Trolls, so it was no surprise to anyone that his thoughts were about the Legendary Beer©. He wanted to find it, drink it, even eat it, just to get the taste of this brew from the forgotten past. In fact, since Brakebein had a memory of at least once having a chance to taste this precious beer, he wanted more. Therefore he started yelling demandingly to the other Trolls (Brakebein never cared for talking quietly) that they'd better join him to sail the seas to find this precious Legendary Beer©.

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Utmarschen
"Marching out"

Brakebein, who was a fairly strong and commanding Troll, managed to bring with him just about any Troll around. Even his mother came along (for the fresh air off course). With his newfound crew, he packed for a long, long expedition. They even prepared for battle before marching out of the forest in the direction they believed would lead them to water.

The path lead them to water, but it also made the Trolls stumble onto the coastal town of the scary pirate Busken and his men. Waiting for nightfall, Brakebein decided that the Trolls would pay these nasty pirates a visit and teach them who the real boss is. It could also come in handy that Busken was in possession of some fairly large floating devices (humans, and pirates usually refer to them as ships). Such a device would easily carry quite a few large and rather heavy Trolls across vast amounts of water.

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PiratKriegen
"The Pirate War"

In a castle in the town it is told that Busken and his men lived. They had so many ships in the dock that man had yet to count them. All ships had Buskens scary sign on them. Thus the sight of any of these ships would startle a grown man, since everyone knew how these men plundered, betrayed and stole from all kinds of people, coast to coast.

What Busken did not know, was that it all was coming to an end, as Brakebein had hidden his Trollish army in Treetops surrounding the inn where Busken was having his nightly pint of ale. The Trolls were ready for battle, but Busken was not. So very soon the Trolls did what they usually do to strangers. Heads and other rather needed bodyparts flew accross the dock as Brakebein showed the simple pirates who was really to get frightened upon. After killing the fearsome pirate, Brakebein took the poor captains hat.

When there were no pirates left, they even killed Buskens parrot Dick before they realized that they had won. Next, the Trolls found the biggest pirate ship in dock and sailed onto the open sea to fully begin their search for the Legendary Beer©. Brakebain wore Buskens hat and kept his crew on a steady course aiming at the big ocean.

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Den Åpne Sjø
"The Big Ocean"

Out sailing the big ocean, where water was all they could see, the Trolls were still celebrating Buskens defeat. After self entitling himself as captain, without any complaints, Brakebein also entitled himself to the captains cabin with hardly any complaints. Then he began staking out a course to his Trollish crew. With the pirates hat on his head, and the course set, the Trolls sailed east across the ocean ready to send the poor man guarding the Legendary Beer© to his sure doom.

Plundering and destroying any ship in sight, Brakebein and his Troll-crew made quite a scary rumour that went from harbour to harbour. Soon, not too surprising, any man would flee to the sight of this Trollish ship.

One man never got to hear these rumours: The Norwegian discoverer Thor Heyerdal. So, this one day, the Trolls could see him sailing around on a strange ship holding a funny saw. Unluckily he had no knowledge about the Legendary Beer©, this made Brakebein angry, and he commanded Heyerdal to tell. The unfortunate man tried to explain that he had absolutely no knowledge about the Legendary Beer© and begged Brakebein to spare his life. I bet you could imagine how his head went after that.

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Das MeerUngeheuer
"The Sea Monster"

Early one morning, before the Trolls got out of bed, the sea was incredibly quiet, and no waves were to be seen. Perhaps this was too quiet. Just below sea level, a big horrible sea monster was sneaking up on the ship.

This sea monster was accustomed to eat anything that moved, and he had no natural enemy. He moved faster than any ship, had a tongue which was more than five meters long, and off course an unstoppable appetite. He was also quite grumpy in the morning, and an angry sea monster is not someone you would want to make jokes with.

At this very moment, Brakebein was in between dreaming and being awake. He could feel that something was not like it should be. Something was wrong, but he couldn't figure out what. All of a sudden, he bounced of the bed to listen. All he could hear was the ultimate silence, which is not normal on a Troll filled ship. He ran out on deck to find the huge sea monster with a Troll in its mouth. He went for his axe.

Brakebein was angry. He had always hated sea monsters, and now he wanted to show this monster what it felt like to be chopped into peaces. As he was thinking these thoughts, he observed the sea monster twirling round his ships mast, toying with his mother (as I told earlier, she was with the warrior Trolls on their trip for the joy of fresh air). This was not a good move for the sea monster. Brakebein solved it the same way as ever, chopping, stabbing and beating the sea monster to death on his own, just to tie it up on a long, long string between the ships two masts. Next, he ordered the heavily protesting MongoTroll to clean the deck as they prepared to celebrate the newfound victory with their opponent as main course.

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Essenfest
"Eating party"

Judging by the state of things, Brakebeinfound himself with a ship full of meat from the sea monster. They also had loads of strange ale and other barrels with drinkworthy substances that they had plundered of unlucky travellers they had stumbled onto. Everyone knew what to do in such a situation, and so a great eating party took place on the boat. Off course it was not much left of anything afterwards. Some drinkables, but nothing was left of the sea monster. Some ate more than others. Brakebein himself managed to eat half the sea monster on his own. Still no one went hungry to bed that night, and it would be a long time before the Trolls forgot the sweet drunken party and the heavenly taste of sea monster meat.

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Inni den Grotte
"Inside the Cave"

One of the songs the Trolls had heard a lot on their voyage was a story about a cave filled with delicious variations of alcoholic drinkables. The song goes on to tell about how fantastic these vast amounts of alcohol were. Even the pirates had been singing this song, and so the Trolls making their own version of "Inside the Cave" themselves. Not as lovely as the version you can hear on the TrollfesT record "Brakebein", but with almost the same lyrics.

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Illantergesteignungh
"Going ashore"

Back to the main story: The Trolls could finally once more see the sweet dry land in the horizon. After travelling for quite some time at sea, this was a welcomed sight. Many of the Trolls started drewling even by the thought of firm ground and large trees. This lead to the entire ship hitting shore, since no Trolls knew what to else to do to make the boat stop. Anyways, this was a strong boat and could handle such an impact without the greater of damages.

Finally it was time to go ashore, and see if the could taste the local ale if they just found some local Christians to torture. The Trolls were in fact incredibly happy and cheerful about finally placing their big smelly feet on something unwobbly and steady again. Brakebein went straight into the forest the minute he sat foot on land, the rest stayed on the shore to look for stuff that would be cool to bring. Amongst scraps and heaps they found a chest full of sugar and tea. The Trolls had never seen such a thing and was curious about what the use was of something like that.

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PresteFeste
"Priest Party"

That's about the time when Brakebein came out of the forest. He hadn't found the Legendary Beer©, but he had found something else that was a sight for sore eyes. What he had found in the forest were a couple of peaceful Priests as they were trying to catch a wild boar. As they now could be seen as hunters, Brakebein had evem more than the usual excuse to capture them both, and so he did. As he came out of the forest, he had a priest in each hand, grinning and dribbling like only he could do.

Next they made some long sticks, and started to barbecue the poor priests over a nice little fire on the beach, and went for their last mead barrels to celebrate once more. And boy did they have barrels of mead. It seemed like the party could never end. After nearly emptying their alcoholic cargo the Trolls pushed the ship into the water again and sailed on. The wind was on their side as they set sail for new places, still in search of the Legendary Beer©.

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Yameeka

After travelling for another long while, the Trolls found another shore. Once again they were quite pleased to meet land. They tied the boat up this time, and were welcomed by a peaceful race of people smoking a funny looking peace pipe.

Smoking this smoke would make you think funny thoughts, get hungry, dance to any kind of music and have a serious laughter at anything all at once. the Trolls had a great time around these people, and thought well of their funny smokes. After smoking the Trolls joined the natives surfing, and bathing and played "money in a can".

No matter how fun they had, Brakebein got tired. He truly wanted to taste beer again sometime soon. Next he went around picking up all his fellow Trolls and got his troops assembled. Then he threw them all back in the boat and set sail towards new kinds of brew, and getting ready to fight for it as they waved goodbye to the funny people of this funny island.

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Skogsgjensyn
"Returning to the Forest"

The other Trolls was getting sick and tired of looking for the Legendary Beer© by now, and they demanded Brakebein to set the course home. Terribly home sick, the Trolls started paddling the boat with anything that might look like an oar. It got them home in a jiffy.

Sailing and paddling home, Brakebeins mother asked what the journey had been about. The MongoTroll told her about Brakebeins search for the Legendary Beer©. That's when Brakebeins mother told him that the Legendary Beer© that all the rumours was about was the one she made back home.

After telling this the Trolls got fairly angry with Brakebein as they got home and realised his mother was right. It ended well, and the Trolls saw their biggest comfort in the fact that they would soon be able to catch up with their lost drinking and partying. It is true what they say about Trolls getting wise by drinking, when they are no longer drinking, they tend to get quite forgetful, although BrakeBEIN was exceptionally forgetful in this case.

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Egen Mjød, Heidunder Mjød!
"Own Mead, Wonderful Mead!"

After getting home, the Trolls had quite a homecoming party saluting all there is to salute about beer and alcohol in a way only Trolls can. Brakebein was locked in his cave because of his mistake, but he found tons of beer in his cave that he refused to share, so they felt they would have to make friends again to taste it and so they partied on. No hard feelings.

Though the Trolls had made quite the detour to find the Legendary Beer©. Brakebein had led the Trolls through battles and at sea in a way no Troll had done before. Surely the world would now be a better place without the nasty pirate Busken. With the Trolls safely back in their own forest as well. Realizing this, the Trolls where quite thrilled with the achievements that Brakebein had made them all part of. Surprisingly, Trolls still manage to remember this trip, so it has to have had quite an impact on them.

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